Lust
Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship sex is hot and steamy. Partners cannot wait to see each other because they have great anticipation of what is to come. They fantasize about each other, plan what they will do to each other, how they will make each other feel and how connected they will be as they become one. The sex then is effortless and done multiple times within a short space of time.
Time
Overtime, as the relationship grows, couples become more comfortable with each other. They begin to display all their bad habits and see the different sides of each other. Added responsibility occurs as couples move in together, get married, have kids, have stressful jobs, go through family drama, develop illnesses and experience life changing events.
These circumstances change the dynamics of the relationship and affect how couples cope and react to each other. Sometimes couples disagree, go through periods where they are less in love, emotionally disconnected and become disinterested in each other. The relationship can experience dead bedroom where sex is not done at all, done infrequently or done but leaves one or both partners unsatisfied.
Sex problems
Initiating sex
Sometimes one partner waits for the other to initiate sex and becomes displeased when it is not. SO, sex is withheld until the partner initiates it! If you want it, just take it! Why be shy or “play a role” like you have not had sex with your partner?
Some of my male friends explained that when their partners do not initiate sex, it makes them feel unwanted. They want their partner to show interest in them too and want to feel like they are desired instead of having to show interest most times, having to start the process and get their women in the mood. Understandable!
Treating sex like a chore
Correct me if I am wrong but from most of the conversations I have had, this one mostly applies to women!
Sometimes women do not want to have sex but say yes just to cross it off from the “to do list” because they know sex is important to the relationship. Women sometimes have sex because they know the man wants it and because they do not want the man to go elsewhere nor complain and resent them.
When women decide to have sex because they know they have too then they are not fully into the sex but they do it anyways. At some point they may become interested in the sex during the process or may or may not find satisfaction. They sometimes just want the man to “cum” and be done with it and them so they can continue the “to do list.”
Putting sex last and not making it be a priority
Sometimes being intimate is the last thing on one’s mind so is pushed aside. Doing other things then settling for sex at nights sometimes mean that sex has to be rushed so might leave one feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied. One would rather do other things than have sex because it will get them too tired and take up time.
Too tired for sex
I know people who refuse to have sex and spend quality time with their partner but rather watch television, catch up on a series or movie, spend time on social media, gossip with friends and engage in other distractions. They argue that they are too tired to have sex but not too tired to do other things because they take less energy.
Letting yourself go
Spouses need to remain attractive to each other. Okay, so you have gained weight but do you need to wear a “holey” boxer or a parachute- “big or granny panty” all the time? Sometimes partners withhold sex because they no longer feel like they are attractive, have low self- esteem and confidence and body image deficit.
The fact is you both will age and your body will change but you can make yourself look presentable, sexy and attractive. Put in the same effort you did to look good when you just started dating. It still matters!
It is no joke that life is busy and people get tired from work, school, taking care of themselves, the kids and household and far less having to have sex too.
Sex fixer upper!
I am no sexpert but here are a few ways to improve your sex life when you have been with someone for eons, feel emotionally disconnected and disinterested or have low libido.
Read romance novels to feel like the sexual act is being done to you, so you could fantasize and to get you in the mood. Watch adult pornography solo or with your partner. Touch yourself, see what areas you feel most and tell your partner! Foreplay with yourself and your partner before intercourse. Make penetration be the final step before climax.
Engage in dirty talk, soft kisses and touches throughout the day when you are together. Surprise each other with a picture or video of your private parts and with you stroking it too. Try new sex positions and have sex in new places.
Experiencing droughts down there? Use lubricants, sex toys and role play. Make time for each other and spend more time with each other, discuss your sexual fantasies and desires, what turns you on and off and be honest with how your partner could make you climax quicker.
Exercise, eat a balanced meal, drink plenty water if not contraindicated, rest and take care of you to feel energized enough for sex. Make sex be a priority!
Sex is supposed to be fun, intimate and pleasurable! Your sex life is not lost, there is still time and you can stick to your partner and have sex with only one partner and still have fun. Change your mindset and keep a positive attitude. Hang in there!
It is okay to be in a sexless relationship if that is what you both want! Do what works best for your relationship! Do not force sex on each other, sometimes taking time away from sex could just be what you both need!
Keep in touch
Message me privately to have an informative conversation at reems@ourtropicalliving.com if you are too shy to leave a comment below!
Been with your partner for many years? How is the sex life? Ever experienced sex problems? Don’t be shy, let me know so we could have a discussion!
Reems Sonson
Ourtropicalliving.com
Come live and love island life
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