Tag: Relationships

Purpose or pleasure driven- picking a partner

Have you ever picked a partner based on purpose or based on pleasure?

We can be compatible and have a connection with many people and not be on the same page as them nor be moving in the same direction as them.

Purpose or pleasure focused

Pleasure wears off overtime especially during challenging times such as through financial difficulties, sickness and disabilities and other major life changes.

Sometimes we date without thinking of the purpose of dating, what we are going to do, our goals and what we want to accomplish with the person we are dating.

We do not date someone who complements our lifestyle and life goals.

We do not date for a purpose but date for a pleasure partner to go out, have sex and travel.

What happens when we want more or get tired of the same thing and the person is not or wants nothing more.

We can have someone who is purpose driven plus pleasure driven.

Pull or push

Imagine if we paddle in the same direction. We would maintain balance and move forward to get to our destination.

What do you think happens when you paddle in different directions? Apply this to dating…

If we have no purpose in life, we will be dragged along with someone else’s purpose.

Know it

Know what we want out of a relationship!

Life is too short to settle for mediocre and live with regret.

Build an intentional partnership.

Sometimes we outgrow people who are stuck, play it safe and continuously move in the same path and lack direction. 

We stay far too long in relationships that drain us.

We tolerate the “not so good behavior” of others and remain silent to keep the outer peace but our inner peace remains in turmoil.

We then spend the rest of our days being bitter, unhappy, casting blame on others and being jealous of other’s relationships.

What will happen if you live day by day for the next 70 years with no purpose or vision or a plan as to your next move?

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

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Instant connection with someone you barely know

Magnetic attraction

Ever met someone for the first time and you were so drawn to them that you felt sparks?

Ever had “electrical impulses” lure you to someone you barely know and felt a shock with the first touch?

It seemed like your body pulled you towards the person without your permission.

You felt drawn to the person like a magnet no matter how much you tried to pull away from them.

There is just something about the person. “You cannot put your finger on it.” You want to know more about them.

Out of everyone, they are the most intriguing.

Thoughts of them plague your mind. No matter how hard you try, you cannot forget them.

Why do we feel a connection with someone we barely know?

We can connect with people over shared interests, location, animals, friends and even careers.

Some connections happen instantly and unintentionally.

The connection is something you feel inside. Something feels comfortable about the person and it feels like you have found home.

It just feels right. It is almost like your spirit recognizes its match.

Sincere emotional bond

It amazes you the deeply rooted connection you have with this person.

You do not know the person yet that is the only person you want to be with.

You share an instantaneous and unexplainable emotional bond and attraction.

You click with the person. It feels like you have known the person for a long time.

You cannot explain the connection, it is just there. You can be yourself and you are fully comfortable around them.

You love being around them and do not force any conversation.

It is not about sex. Sex is not even on your mind. It was not even a physical attraction that drew you both to each other.

Denial and rejection

You know that there is something between you two but you deny it.

Feelings and connection take time to form with other people but not with this person.

The feelings are deeper than with anyone you have ever felt.

Even when you get to know them, you try to forget them, stop speaking to them and stay away but to no avail. Nothing you do works.

No matter how hard you try to get rid of the feelings for them, you cannot. You cannot deny the way you feel about them.

Forget a fall out and no communication for months! You converse like you never had a fall out or stopped talking to each other when you suddenly meet.

You try to run from them and reject them but the genuine connection gets you back together.

Lifelong soulmate

Sometimes a connection makes it feel like you have known the person all your life.

You feel a connection with the person more than you do with your partner.

Your energies are in sync with each other. The person understands you like no one else.

The person knows when something is wrong even when you do not tell them.

You can tell them anything and share details with them that you would not share with other people.

You can have deep, truthful and meaningful conversations with them without feeling judged.

You can have a full conversation with your eyes.

Deep from the heart

The person feels special to you and you do not know why. The fact that they are present feels good.

Things flow effortlessly with them. It feels like the universe conspires to bring you two together.

You know that there is something between you two but you cannot define what it is. It cannot be stopped or ignored because it keeps lingering.

People around you sense that there is something between you two because they sense your connection.

The connection gets deeper as you spend time together. You fall in love with them as you spend time with them.

Intimacy solidifies the connection and makes it seem unbreakable.

Dedicated to bubbies, my sweet ponks…

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

Thank you for taking time to stop by and choosing to read my blog! Remember to leave a comment and share!

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Bare minimum loving someone who does not love you equally

High standards, high maintenance or high expectations? Low standards, low maintenance or low expectations? Where do you fall and what do you expect from a relationship or friendship?

Our society encourages us to be independent that being reliant on someone seems to be a blur. You question whether you are asking too much or expecting too little.

Bare minimum

Ever went all out for people without them asking but they could not do the bare minimum for you?

You go all out for someone, treat them special, go above and beyond, exceed their expectations yet they treat you crappy and show no gratitude. You put the utmost amount of energy in whatever you do for them yet they barely recognize what you do.

They do the bare minimum for you and you see little to no effort in what they do. They treat you like an ordinary person.

You get the bare minimum of their time, commitment, emotions and effort. They offer the least amount of themselves but just enough to keep you interested.

Sometimes they do something nice and although it was required of them to do, you loved it and were overjoyed because you felt like it was a grand gesture.

You applaud a gesture that was standard and mandatory.

Interestingly, they do things with the smallest effort but do not display any bad behavior which warrants a breakup.

50-50 rule?

Do you believe in the 50-50 rule where both parties try equally in a relationship or friendship? Or do you believe that both parties need to put in more effort than each other?

Half love

Should you compromise? Should you know each other’s needs and attempt to meet some? Should you continuously try together to make things work?  

Sometimes the bare minimum is acceptable and serves its purpose depending on the relationship and connection. Other times, it is not enough and should not be tolerated.

Sometimes you settle for less than what you want and you accept the bare minimum out of fear of being alone and not knowing your worth.

You get used to the bare minimum that you make excuses.

Should you wait on someone and hope that they will eventually get there, be ready and stop giving the bare minimum?

Giving maximum  

You deserve someone who is all in and puts in as much effort as you do. If you give up on putting in all the effort then what is going to happen to the friendship or relationship.

Sometimes you feel undervalued and underappreciated because you know what you want, know your worth and crave more.

You resent people for how they treat you because you feel you deserve better and people’s maximum effort but you say nothing.

Truth is, you deserve growth. Someone who gives the bare minimum may not change. You will spend your entire time begging them for the basics and eventually you will get tired.

Imagine

If you go all out for people and they treat you like mediocre, imagine the lengths you will go for the people who value, appreciate and truly love you.  

Some people string you along to use you and you allow your emotions to get tangled in their web. Be on the lookout!

Someone with no plan lacks direction and might end up living someone else’s life because they set no standards by which they should live. Do not let them drag you along!

Some people just show up and do nothing else, they make no plans for you and initiate nothing. They are not as invested in you as you are in them.

Sometimes you have to offer the least part of yourself to people who do not try. Rather, invest your energy into people who show effort without you even having to ask.

Fact is that there are people who do the bare minimum and give you the leftovers of what they have.

There are also people who surprise you and go above and beyond. Which are you and which do you prefer?

Call it high maintenance but it is just that you expect more than what some people are used to giving. Do not lower your standards but let them up their game!

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

Thank you for taking time to stop by and choosing to read my blog! Remember to leave a comment and share!

If you would like to receive an update when I post something new, you could subscribe to my blog by adding your email address to the subscription bar then confirming the subscription in your email.

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Top reasons to date a Lucian man

Today I am shredding some positive light on our fine Black men.

Limited “useful” men

Finding a decent man to start a family with, build a future with and invest your all in has been within its challenges. Now more than ever it seems difficult to find a good Black man. It is even more difficult to want to continue dating Black men after being hurt many times.

There are many men who have died, are incarcerated, are gay, migrated, already in a committed relationship, joined the army and the balance are players and not interested in a serious relationship.

Who are straight women going to date?

Support our Black men

Some media outlets have portrayed Black men as being angry, sex offenders, murderers, thieves, abusers, drug addicts, promiscuous, in extreme poverty, socioeconomically deprived and prone to poor mental health and with a blurred future. This paints a negative image of our Black men and sometimes subconsciously affect how we feel about them.

Black people we need to support each other instead of fighting our own race. We need to stop the racism towards each other but rather love each other.

Top reasons dating a Lucian man is beneficial

1-This reason tops it for me so no need for an explanation. Lucian men are good in bed and well endowed. When you develop an emotional connection and deep attraction with a Lucian man, your every body part tingles when you see them.

2-Lucian men may have fears and insecurities and guard their emotions due to past trauma and bad relationships but as they gain your trust then they become devoted. They continuously work to ensure a successful relationship.

3-Some Lucian men may not be the wealthiest but they try to keep the romance, give you their time and keep a healthy relationship as best they can. A trying Black man is an ideal man.

4-Lucian men are loving, understanding, easy-going, supportive, pay attention to you and can make you their secret obsession. Lucian men can touch your soul and make your heart smile.

5-Lucian men are non-judgemental, can make you feel safe and you can be yourself around them and display all your bad habits because they accept you for who you are.

Women and false ideation

It is not a man’s job to make you happy. Women you are responsible for your own happiness and a man should be a contributor to your happiness. Women stop having a movie-like, fake or social media ideology of what your relationship should look and be like.

What you see out there is most times unreal and painted to fool you and change your mindset. Envy your relationship, work to improve it daily and not that of others. Do what works for you so you can be happiest.

Special note: the top reasons to date a Lucian man may or may not apply to all men.

Do you agree or disagree with the top reasons? Share and leave a response.

Also read

Dangers of dating a Lucian man

Reems Sonson

Ourtropicalliving.com

Come live and love island life

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This is not a paid or sponsored blog post but written based on multiple discussions about dating Lucian men, women’s expectations and men’s roles in a relationship.