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I would constantly see Black girls in movies and music videos with straight, shiny and long natural hair.
It made me envy persons when I saw their “nice,” straight, thick and long hair. How I wished my hair could look the same.
One could argue that I watched too much movies as a child but I also saw these girls with “nice hair” in local commercials.
Would you image that a predominately Black country uses White persons or persons of a mixed race for advertisements? Well, this is the case!
Societal pressures
I was convinced that I too should have thick, long, shiny and straight hair because society called it “nice hair.”
Societal standards made it seem like I needed to look a certain way and be a certain way so that I could be accepted.
It is difficult to be you when all you see around you is something completely opposite.
Childhood
I grew up hearing I was pretty every day but deep down I felt insecure because of my hair type. As a child I hardly ever saw someone who looked like me in a movie, music video or local advertisement.
I would wonder why I had such hard, tangled, knotty, kinky, shrinking hair that would take me almost an hour to style on a daily basis.
Getting my hair styled was filled with me saying “ouch!” and hearing “keep your head straight!” The many times I thought I would sustain a broken neck from someone roughly adjusting my head when I was not being still.
I had to get rid of that hair!
I would complain about my hair to my cousin-Sherline every day. Her response was always the same, “Rema, all hair types are nice! Keep your hair moisturized! You just need to find the right product to better manage your hair!”
Racism, stereotype, stigma?
In Saint Lucia, persons are typically classified for their hair. You are either a “neg” “dogla” or “coolie” what we commonly know as “Black,” “Mixed” or “Indian” respectively.
Some men say that they prefer Indians or women with long “nice hair” whilst some women want a man with “nice hair” so that their children could have a higher probability of having “nice hair.”
I am pro preference but I tell you…there is racism everywhere and even amongst persons of the same culture, ethnicity and race.
Imagine that your hair type and even complexion can land you a job quicker depending on the preference of the person hiring. Do not talk about getting into a relationship. Hair type and complexion are major determinants.
Resentment then acceptance
I resented my hair! My mom encouraged me to stay natural when I told her I had a great desire to put relaxer. I was not having it so I went on for the “straight hair” journey.
As I started embracing and accepting myself, loving the woman I was becoming and living on my own terms I started realizing that I loved my hair and how I looked.
I felt like I no longer needed a mask, keep my hair relaxed or hide my hair with braids, wigs or weave. No I did not need to flat iron my natural hair either.
Hair struggles
Natural hair
I thought I hated combing but I really hated my hair.
Oh my…I hated “wash hair days!” The shrinkage after a wash is ridiculous. My hair would be very difficult to manipulate and my scalp would get sore from the tugging that accompanied trying to untangle my hair.
My hair is very dry and coarse so I would take up to eight hours to wash, dry, untangle and then style my hair.
Managing natural hair is a full time job! You have to be responsible, committed and throw in a lot of time.
Relaxed hair
My relaxed hair began thinning, breaking and my edges slowly disappeared. That was a plus for me because I decided to go back to my “natural roots.”
You still have to go to the salon or do your hair at home, get touch ups and maintain the relaxed hair.
No scratching of scalp before getting your hair relaxed, pain from sitting and letting the relaxer take its course and “well cook” through your scalp. I still remember getting burns on my scalp.
Relaxed hair is just as time consuming as natural hair but is just easier to style and manage.
Naturally you
Women it is okay to wear your natural hair proudly. It is okay if you do not wear mark up. It is okay to be NATURALLY YOU! Your hair is beautiful and you have “nice hair.”
Reems Sonson
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