Social media
I would constantly see Black girls in movies and music videos with straight, shiny and long natural hair.
It made me envy persons when I saw their “nice,” straight, thick and long hair. How I wished my hair could look the same.
One could argue that I watched too much movies as a child but I also saw these girls with “nice hair” in local commercials.
Would you image that a predominately Black country uses White persons or persons of a mixed race for advertisements? Well, this is the case!
Societal pressures
I was convinced that I too should have thick, long, shiny and straight hair because society called it “nice hair.”
Societal standards made it seem like I needed to look a certain way and be a certain way so that I could be accepted.
It is difficult to be you when all you see around you is something completely opposite.
Childhood
I grew up hearing I was pretty every day but deep down I felt insecure because of my hair type. As a child I hardly ever saw someone who looked like me in a movie, music video or local advertisement.
I would wonder why I had such hard, tangled, knotty, kinky, shrinking hair that would take me almost an hour to style on a daily basis.
Getting my hair styled was filled with me saying “ouch!” and hearing “keep your head straight!” The many times I thought I would sustain a broken neck from someone roughly adjusting my head when I was not being still.
I had to get rid of that hair!
I would complain about my hair to my cousin-Sherline every day. Her response was always the same, “Rema, all hair types are nice! Keep your hair moisturized! You just need to find the right product to better manage your hair!”
Racism, stereotype, stigma?
In Saint Lucia, persons are typically classified for their hair. You are either a “neg” “dogla” or “coolie” what we commonly know as “Black,” “Mixed” or “Indian” respectively.
Some men say that they prefer Indians or women with long “nice hair” whilst some women want a man with “nice hair” so that their children could have a higher probability of having “nice hair.”
I am pro preference but I tell you…there is racism everywhere and even amongst persons of the same culture, ethnicity and race.
Imagine that your hair type and even complexion can land you a job quicker depending on the preference of the person hiring. Do not talk about getting into a relationship. Hair type and complexion are major determinants.
Resentment then acceptance
I resented my hair! My mom encouraged me to stay natural when I told her I had a great desire to put relaxer. I was not having it so I went on for the “straight hair” journey.
As I started embracing and accepting myself, loving the woman I was becoming and living on my own terms I started realizing that I loved my hair and how I looked.
I felt like I no longer needed a mask, keep my hair relaxed or hide my hair with braids, wigs or weave. No I did not need to flat iron my natural hair either.
Hair struggles
Natural hair
I thought I hated combing but I really hated my hair.
Oh my…I hated “wash hair days!” The shrinkage after a wash is ridiculous. My hair would be very difficult to manipulate and my scalp would get sore from the tugging that accompanied trying to untangle my hair.
My hair is very dry and coarse so I would take up to eight hours to wash, dry, untangle and then style my hair.
Managing natural hair is a full time job! You have to be responsible, committed and throw in a lot of time.
Relaxed hair
My relaxed hair began thinning, breaking and my edges slowly disappeared. That was a plus for me because I decided to go back to my “natural roots.”
You still have to go to the salon or do your hair at home, get touch ups and maintain the relaxed hair.
No scratching of scalp before getting your hair relaxed, pain from sitting and letting the relaxer take its course and “well cook” through your scalp. I still remember getting burns on my scalp.
Relaxed hair is just as time consuming as natural hair but is just easier to style and manage.
Naturally you
Women it is okay to wear your natural hair proudly. It is okay if you do not wear mark up. It is okay to be NATURALLY YOU! Your hair is beautiful and you have “nice hair.”
Reems Sonson
Our Tropical Living
Come live and love island life
Check me out on social media
YouTube- Reems Sonson
Oh yes, the reality of accepting that it’s not really hating the process of maintaining your hair but rather hating your hair itself… I still have a love-hate relationship with my hair. I have also come to terms that my initial thoughts of “nice” hair was never my personal opinion rather we were socialised to think so… Even now with the “natural” hair movement favorable curls are being portrayed as being proud of your roots. Really enjoyed this read.
It is so true Ascencia. When I research natural hairstyles I mostly see curly textured hairstyles and my hair texture is so far off from being curly. What is considered “nice and natural hair” is based on societal standards of it. My mom would always tell me that I have nice hair. I did not believe her because my hair is dry and becomes wooly when dried after being wet. I watched lots of television so I basically raised myself into thinking that Indian or curly hair is the best fit. Seeing curly or straight long hair on every advertisement could subconsciously affect how we feel about our natural hair. Whatever happened back then to make me believe that Indian or curly hair was superior to my hair is way out the door. That was back then! Now I rock my natural hair proudly because it is who I am! 😊
Great read! A topic that is globally relevant. Your writing reminds me of the book by Maya Angelou… ‘I know why the caged bird sings’.
False hair on black women is higher than pandemic levels. It stems from slavery and it still lives on. We have to free ourselves from this mental slavery, locally and globally.
Thank you Garry. Black women have accepted societal standards of looking a certain way other than their natural selves. Persons now have to hide behind a mask, wig and many artificial things.
Great post! I remember when I thought getting texturiser would make my hair easier to manage because I wanted looser curls. That was the worst 1.5 years of my life.
I think a woman is free to decide what she wants to do with her hair whether she wants to wear it straight, coiled, short, long, black or gold but we must also carry out introspection to determine the reasons we feel the need to change our natural state.
Love the points you raised Reems!
I do not think that adequate information is provided on the harms that accompany adding products to your hair to make it easier to manage. We tend to hear the benefits but the drawbacks are withheld and our hair suffers at the end Miracle.
Lovely read.
Thank you Cindy.
Lovely reading, I have always been a lover of natural hair and even now socialising with persons from other cultures they too who are not Indians feel the same about their own hair. I think it is about knowing your hair type and appreciating it for what it is. Understand what goes well with your hair and what will not work. An example of that for me is edge control, in St lucia it is quite challenging for an edge control to work for me for past a couple of hours. However being in a cold country it practically lasts for a day or can last even longer if I decide to keep it. Black hair ” neg” is beautiful.
We need to know our hair type and what works for us Janel. Some of the hair products in Saint Lucia are mostly suited for the cold countries so it does not work as it should. I agree that “neg” hair is beautiful.
I say I’ll relax every time I wash my hair!!!! Then I remember I didn’t like my scalp being burnt monthly
The relaxing process can be painful although the end result is beautiful. Continue rocking your natural look Clehys!
I say I’ll relax every time I wash my hair!!!! Then I remember I didn’t like my scalp being burnt daily.