In good times or bad…some people disappear when a crisis turns chronic

It is never easy when someone you love dies, falls ill, receives a scary health diagnosis or experiences a traumatic event.

Being there for that person might be one of the hardest things you have to do. However, at some point, one way or the other, that is something we all must face.

Food for thought

If you lost all your limbs today, who would be at your bedside showing you love and comfort? Who would take care of you when you get home? Who would cook for you and feed you? Who would clean you?

If you became paralyzed today after being involved in an accident, who would be holding your hand whilst at the hospital?

No matter who you are, tough times will come. Health issues, unanticipated life events and major crisis at some point get the best of us.

No matter how prepared or underprepared you are, you will have no control over the crisis.

Unpredictable

I have seen many people have a sudden frightening change in their lives. From being healthy to suddenly getting sick then taking their last breath.

The way we think things should be is not always what it ought to be.

Ever got news about someone and you were shocked, scared, uncertain, concerned or heartbroken? So many emotions at once. You worried about the person’s abrupt transformation and how it would affect them and their immediate family.

Now or forever

Some people will be with you only in good times. They are present for every party and celebration they are invited to.

Some people will show up for you during the bad times when you are at your lowest and will be there every single time. Most times, it is the people you least expect to show up who show up.

Some people check out days following your crisis despite knowing that you need assistance and continue to deal with the crisis.

Sadly, when someone dies, many people visit the relatives to express their sympathy and offer gifts. When that person was alive, they showed no support and acted like they did not exist.

People owe you nothing but out of courtesy and humanity you could show how much you care for someone and appreciate them.

Togetherness

Your world could crumble again and again and you may feel like you are drowning and wonder who will support you.

We all need someone to rely on. You can only get so far on your own. Being independent is important but at some point, we all will become dependent on someone for something.

The darkest times

Everybody has their own issues dealing with. As you deal with yours, you sometimes do not reach out to friends as much so they may disappear.

The affected family might be stressed, overwhelmed and preoccupied so might feel out of reach as they try to cope and make sense of what happened. Do not take it personal!

Do not feel rejected or like you are not included in decision making.

Sometimes people grow apart instead of growing closer during a crisis.

The longer your crisis, the less friends and family you have.

Sticking around in the long run

Be there for people when they need you. Be the listening ears or the shoulder to cry on.

Sending a few words of encouragement to someone going through a challenging time can make a difference.

Call if you are unable to visit regularly.

Do not say, “let me know if you need anything.” Not everyone is comfortable with asking for help if they need it or reaching out when help is offered.

Perform a lovely gesture. The simple things count and go a long way. Try to bring back some sense of normalcy. Bring the person something to eat, take them for a walk or drive, watch a movie or play a game with them or even do their chores.

It is a balance! Do not be overshadowing and overbearing. The person would need support but would eventually get tired of being a patient.

People do need people especially in times of need

When going through a crisis, you have to be a team and not focus solely on yourself nor see yourself as an individual unit trying to come to terms with the challenge. Everyone is affected!

In reality, no one knows if things will be okay but remain hopeful.

Do not be discouraged if the people you help push you away.

Whatever good you do for someone is done unto you. Do good and good will follow you.

Bad times can teach us about the people who are in our lives. Remember to invest in a few good friends!

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

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