Motherhood – Our Tropical Living

This is me now

Imagine being thong and bra bathing suit fit, I am talking supermodel body to now being overweight and the opposite of what you once were.

I started my pregnancy journey weighing 140 pounds. I reached a record 250 pounds during pregnancy and I now weigh 170 pounds.

I used to judge women for “letting themselves go” after pregnancy and always said I would be different.

I now realize that some of the women did not let themselves go and the pregnancy took a toll on their body.

No longer the same

It is challenging for me to get time to go to the gym and I lack motivation to workout at home.

Losing weight was easy in my teens to twenties. I was gyming regularly and not eating at nights unless I was out.

Now, I gain weight quickly and take a long time to lose it.

Surprise

I had a pendulous abdomen during pregnancy so my abdomen was literally on my thighs.

I have diastasis recti and my belly is now loose, jiggling and hanging.

My belly is still big and makes it seem like I am eight months pregnant.

My once perky breasts “a mouth full as my partner would say” is now flat as pancakes, falling and ready to reach my navel.

I have stretch marks on my abdomen and thighs.

My feet got wider.

Now, I suffer from backpain after pregnancy.

Change

I used to love taking photos.

I feel like I am no longer photogenic and hate most photos taken of me because my body looks different, do not ask about my triple chin.

Most times, I watch my body and I am disappointed in myself. I blame myself for not having a vaginal birth and gaining excessive weight during pregnancy.

Maybe I would look different and snap back quickly.

No more shorts, tummy out or fitted and skimpy dresses for me.

Despite all the flaws with the new me, I would do it again to have such an adorable baby.

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

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Postpartum and solo parenting

I used to watch babies and catch baby fever because I was mesmerized by how chunky and cute they were. I did not know the dark side of it all.

Loner for the while

I spent a year caring for my baby alone since my partner was away. Boy was it challenging.

I do not know how I did it but I know it was all God’s doing.

I thank God daily that He granted me strength, health and the ability to care for myself and my baby.

Niceness to the naked eyes

People do not see the late nights with your baby.

Or the times when you get zero to two hours of sleep or hourly wake ups because the baby is sick and fussy.

What makes it worse is going to work the very day.

Depression lurking

Many times, I found myself crying, sad and ready to snap at others. I felt so alone and lonely.

I felt like a single mother. How do you guys do it?

Why did I feel this way?

I thought I had a mental problem because of my thoughts and how I felt. I constantly reminded myself that I should not lose myself nor my mind.

No zeal

Other than caring for my baby and forcing myself to go to work, I had no space to do anything else. I was stressed and did not have the mental capacity.

Everything irritated me at times. I had frequent headaches and felt drunk and like a zombie. Was it lack of sleep and rest, being burned out, bad eating or a combination?

I felt like I was going and going; working the whole week, going to church then spending the balance of the time doing chores, all by myself.

I was drowning. It was a lot of pressure on me.

Big adjustment

From sleeping 8 hours a night without interruptions to taking care of a mini- you without help is not for the weak.

I was suffering silently. Thank God my friend- Janel and sister-in-law- Zhan regularly checked in and I was able to relay my feelings to them without being judged.

We would share our stories openly and laugh loudly. They really cheered me up and made me feel like I was not alone and had no need to blame myself for my thoughts on motherhood.

I had no village to help because they were either living too far, had their own family to care for or living overseas. I had to fend for myself and suffer alone.

Despite being miles away, my partner tried his best to cheer me up.

Faded connections

Amidst my struggles, the closeness I had with many good friends faded because I felt that they were absent when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

This is expected but my advice to others, do not put your burden on others and expect them to run to your rescue because they most likely are dealing with their own.

You are not alone

If you are struggling with motherhood, reach out to someone you trust for help. Get a support group to share your feelings or seek counseling. Postpartum depression is real and creeps in without you noticing.

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

If you would like to receive an update when I post something new, you could subscribe to my blog by adding your email address to the subscription bar then confirming the subscription in your email.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel

Follow me on Instagram

https://instagram.com/reemssonson

Follow and like my page on Facebook

https://facebook.com/ourtropicalliving

This is not a paid or sponsored blog post.

Dark side of motherhood

My late mom would say every day is mother’s day every Mother’s Day. I used to laugh and say I do not know why there is such a day.

Now that I am a mom, I understand why a good, trying mother and/or good, trying mother figure need a special day to be celebrated more.

Lonely road

Motherhood can be lonely with little to no support system. It is easy to lose yourself and go into depression once you deliver.

You go home with a stranger that is fully dependent on you for everything.

You must connect with the baby despite all your pain and trauma from delivery. The sleepless nights could drive you insane. Lack of rest and little to no time for yourself can be troubling.

You are barely able to eat properly and do not ask about taking a proper shower or poop.

You rush everything you have to do for yourself. It feels like all you do is breastfeed, express, clean bottles, wash clothes, clean poop and vomit and rock and sing the demanding baby to bed.

Exhausting

A baby is like a parasite that sucks you dry. You need to be ready mentally, physically, financially, socially and emotionally to have a baby and give it your everything.

Motherhood is exhausting. You constantly worry about the wellbeing of your child. You worry about whether they will ever be tortured, treated badly by those you trust or even molested.

You wonder if they will be okay if you die before they are able to care for themselves.

You cry constantly, feel happy and sad, sometimes get upset at everything for no reason and have mood swings.

Many roles in one

You juggle multiple roles as you care for the baby. You care for the household by cleaning and cooking and care for your partner and attend to his needs whilst barely getting rest, eating and taking care of yourself.

Even when you are encouraged to rest and not do chores, you feel guilty so do it anyways. You feel a form of burnout.

You feel isolated if family and friends do not reach out. You feel embarrassed to talk about how down you feel.

Sometimes you get tired of the baby and need a break but you snap out of the feeling immediately because you do not want to be away from your baby.

You then feel guilty for having such thoughts. Motherhood brings out emotions you did not know you had.

Oh boy

You do not recognize yourself and feel like you have lost your identity. Motherhood means you no longer get to do what you love, at least not for a while.

Your body changes, you do not feel sexy anymore, you feel unattractive with the saggy breasts, big belly months after delivery, change in skin tone, stretch marks and weight gain.

You do not feel like yourself.

Some days you cannot eat, pee, bathe or do anything until someone relieves you because the baby only wants to stay on you and screams when placed down especially when they are not well.

Sometimes you feel weak after the baby wakes up multiple times at night. You fall asleep with the baby in your arms and wonder if you will drop the baby to the fall if you go into a deep sleep.

Even when the baby sleeps for hours, you cannot because you are constantly checking to see if they are breathing and okay

Proud with tears

Motherhood drains you but the smiles, babbling, hugs and tiny hands tapping your face make it worth it.

Be you a bit

Do things outside of being a mom. Seek help and counseling if your daily activities are being affected because postpartum depression is real.

Every milestone has its own challenge but with time, caring for the baby gets easier. Enjoy your miracle daily!

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

If you would like to receive an update when I post something new, you could subscribe to my blog by adding your email address to the subscription bar then confirming the subscription in your email.

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