Category: Love

Dating men who are not ready…sometimes love is not enough

Ever got to a point where you wanted more from your partner and relationship?

If you’re the one, then he makes all the necessary adjustments to keep you!

The harsh reality some women face is being with men who are not ready for what they want and have to offer. That can range from being in a relationship, moving in together, building together, getting married and having children.

Basic things like coming together to discuss finances, making plans, deciding who will pay what bill or alternate the bill when buying the groceries.

Ever tried discussing the next step in the relationship with your guy and he ignored you, changed the topic or changed his mood?

Where does it start?

Some men pursue women until they get them and say all the things women want to hear. It is almost like being fooled into consenting to the relationship. You go in thinking, finally, someone I can relate to!

Overtime, as you develop deep feelings, you see that person as being the one you settle down with. They agree that they want to settle down but after a while change their mind. What are you supposed to do?

Imagine getting extremely excited that you both want the same thing and are on the same page. Then boom, somewhere in between, he changed his mind. Now you both want different things!

If you had no intentions of settling down and know that you are not ready, then, what is the point of luring someone into being in a relationship with you?

Wait on him? Walk away?

Is it worth remaining in a relationship just for a man to wake up one day, finally be ready and decide to commit to you?

Some women invest their all into men who are not ready and decide to wait on them. Sometimes it works out well! Congratulations!

Others wait and the men never get ready or the men leave to be with someone else only to do all the things they said they were not ready to do.

For how long will you wait and at what price and whose expense?

Fact is, when a man finally decides to be ready and settle down, you might not be the one he chooses. He might no longer be in love with you nor desire you. Some men might choose you by default because you have been there or because they have no one better to choose.

Why he might not be ready?

Some men are still trying to figure themselves out, are not where they want to be financially and do not want the responsibility attached to commitment.

Some are uncertain whether you are the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with and might hold on to you until they get the next best thing.

Others might be waiting on illness, sudden injury, when they become decapitated or have little to no opportunity to chase someone else. Past experiences and using other people’s experiences and making it be their own or going based on statistics can also be contributing factors.

His mother

A mother’s advice or advice from a loved one can be a big reason a man might not be ready nor want to commit.

Some mothers do not want their sons to settle down because they prefer that they stay at home with them. They rather for their son to remain single or find someone else instead of encouraging them to commit to you.

Investing the time

Life is so short to invest your time into something that is going nowhere and is remaining stagnant because of one person. The longer you wait on someone to figure themselves out, the longer you will miss out on being happy with someone else.

Also, the longer you will miss out on being with someone else who has no problem building with you, wants to settle with you, knows what they are about and is ready.

Whilst it is true that you do not know what character you will encounter or the treatment you will receive on your quest to find someone who is ready. You should be hopeful and optimistic that everything will work in your favor.

Genuine desire

Two people should genuinely want to settle down with each other. It should not be anything forced.

Some women give men ultimatums instead of waiting or walking away. Some men gladly accept the ultimatum, are okay with it and others although they accepted, later resent the women.

Men are fixers

A man tries to fix things, discuss things and see how you both can make the relationship work so you both can move on together. A man that wants to be with you will do whatever it takes without you having to beg.

Have a problem that you constantly mention but he ignores you, brushes you off or offers no solution? Then, he is not ready to face nor fix the problem. Men try to fix things so women can stop talking about it. All men can change but some change for the woman they really want.

Be concise in your asking

Be direct and clear about what you want because it is your life. Ensure that he knows what you want so there can be no miscommunication or misunderstanding in the future.

The right man will want to discuss things, see how you both can make sacrifices and fix things so it can work.

Some men in hopes of trying to keep you will one time agree to what you want then later change their mind. It is a constant mind game. You sense the doubt and have that gut feeling that things will not be okay but you stay because he is a good guy.

Listen attentively

Women get stuck because they do not listen when men say what they want and fully express themselves. Women see all the red flags yet neglect them, think the man is joking and hope that they will change.

It is perfectly fine to want what you want and it is perfectly fine for him to want what he wants. Be respectful of his decision.

Remember

Your partner must want the relationship to account for something just as much as you do.  

Some men are slower than others and that is okay but ensure that you know their plan for the relationship so you will have no surprises later.

The right relationship will happen naturally. No questions, no forcing and no convincing.

Resentment and discontentment can cause more harm for the relationship when two people are not on the same page. You will only hurt each other.

No matter how much time you have invested in a relationship, you should not be unhappy or be afraid to start over.

The power is yours to do what you want because you have a choice.

Respect his decision if he wants no growth and is no longer willing to create something with you. Either you decide to wait on him, leave to go find someone else or be single. Irrespective of this, focus on yourself, your personal growth and development and work on being an improved you.

Also, remember to fully analyze the situation and be objective before letting a good guy go because of your impatience.

Some men are immature, some are not ready and are unable to give you what you want because of their circumstances and others are intentionally not giving it to you.

Decide who is worth your time and your wait.

Reems Sonson

Ourtropicalliving.com

Come live and love island life

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Top reasons women cheat

Have you ever cheated? Have you ever been cheated on?

The reasons women cheat are complex and vary from woman to woman. Cheating is unique to each relationship and depends on the relationship. Past experiences and trauma such as being raped or molested, upbringing, promiscuity, personality trait and mindset can all increase the chances of women cheating.

Deep desire to cheat

I have heard many people say that they do not know why someone cheated on them. Truth is, people do not decide to cheat overnight. It is a gradual process.  Sometimes people say, “it just happened!” Okay…so, how did it just happen? You had to be thinking about it at some point for it to have happened!?.

Having the desire to cheat might linger on one’s mind and might not dwindle until it actually happens. Just like someone does not wake up one day and decide to walk out on their family, it was a plan in the thought process.

Constantly having needs unmet or issues solved can be problematic over time and cause some questionable actions such as cheating but there were early warning signs that someone ignored.

Gains or no gains cheating

Unless it is for sex, lust, curiosity, bargain, weak moment, being drank or feeling hurt and confused, some women cheat with someone better and someone they can build a future with. Some women mentally leave their partner long before they actually cheat so they use sex to transition into another relationship.

Some women cheat because they want to and do not want any affiliation with the person after.

Women can cheat and not feel guilty, act like nothing happened and can become even more in love and act more lovey-dovey. Interestingly, women are good at hiding cheating and might never tell their partner.

Sometimes women cheat and have no intention of living their partner. They are just being thrill seekers at the time. Doing the same routine at work and home every day can get tedious. Sometimes women want the excitement of meeting someone else for a quickie and being worried that they might get caught.

It is a whole lot of sneaky business! The different emotions make them come alive, feel like a child and have them feeling excited.

Hostility

Sometimes there is a window where couples argue and do not speak to each other so women use it as an opportunity to cheat. During the vexation period, women feel better about cheating because they do not feel too guilty as it becomes easier for them to fulfil their sexual desire and infatuation.

Independent women

Women are now more empowered, educated and work to sustain themselves so may not compromise as much and decide to cheat. These women tend to leave relationships easily.

With many men after them, it is easy for them to leave A to be with B, C, D and even Z. It is a competitive market with many men to choose from, the catch is that most of these men are already in a committed relationship or married.

So why do women cheat?

Sexual variety, curiosity, experimentation

Sometimes women cheat for sexual variety, curiosity, experimentation, out of being drunk, not thinking clearly or because they are a “jamet or wah wat.”

Some women may cheat to get back at their partner, if they had the right opportunity and person or when they find someone who turns them on and gets them “wet and cum” just by seeing them.

Some women may wonder whether someone is good in bed or has a huge package. Some women might become inquisitive as to the shape and size of a man’s penis after watching his crotch. As a result, they might want to test the men’s penis.

Built in curiosity could lead to wild imaginations. There are different penis types, structure, size, colour, length and thickness. Some penises are straight, crooked, circumcised and uncircumcised. Plus some stay flaccid and others stay erect! The other thing is, no two people have the same penis. I can tell you because I am a Registered Nurse!

So, do not be quick to say your penis is the sweetest, biggest or longest! The women were just being polite and might have tricked you! Hehe!

Unhappiness and lack of romance

Sometimes women are unhappy in a relationship so cheat emotionally. Some might argue that happiness comes from within, but how can women be happy if they are constantly exposed to the contributor or source of their unhappiness. Sometimes picking up and walking away is not as easy as people make it seem. When a woman is emotionally invested in a relationship it can be challenging to move on. 

A relationship may lack romance so women might cheat for physical or intimate romance. Sometimes women want to be “loved up, squeezed up and touched up” in all the right places and in all the right ways.

Read for ways to re-ignite the flames of love

Showing love all year round

If a woman is emotionally wrecked and a prince charming comes along, sweeps her off her feet, so much that she falls, bruises her head and never gets back up, what do you think will happen? She will fall in love with him, cheat and forget about her partner.

She will quickly develop an emotional connection with him. A woman detaching from her relationship emotionally might be one of the worst things to happen because she will lose all interest in the relationship. Being emotionally disengaged can make her walk away quicker and without looking back or feel guilty.

Relationship dissatisfaction and high expectation

Some women cheat because of relationship dissatisfaction. They had hoped for certain outcomes and had certain expectations and requests that went unmet. These women may feel like their desires were not fulfilled because their partner did not deliver so seek fulfilment from someone else and begin to see their partner as a failure.

Sometimes women enter into a relationship with the ideation that their partner will act as they want. When the partner does not meet the expectations and does not deliver their every need and want, they feel like something is missing. This stirs problems, division, resentment and bitterness which can all cause these women to cheat as retaliation.

Distraction and spice

Sometimes women need a little distraction and cheating helps keep them entertained. Sometimes women grow out of love with their partner and find them to be boring especially if they have gotten laid-back and allowed themselves to go.

The relationship, the person, the sex and everything become familiar and predictable. Sometimes even trying something new is not a turn on because it is with the same person so it may seem as a routine and a chore.  

Sometimes the man does not want to please the woman sexually or has forgotten how to. It is always the same old boring sex. The woman in an effort to save the relationship might try to spice things up but overtime, she will get fed up, stop and then cheat if no effort is shown by her partner.

Unappreciation

Sometimes women do so much at home-cooking, cleaning, taking care of the family, working plus having to take care of themselves. Their hard work and efforts go unappreciated and unrecognized. These women hardly get any, “I appreciate you, thank you or I love you.”

Women may feel like maids, nannies and more of a worker than a partner. These women might cheat when someone else sees them for who they are and not the services they provide. They might also cheat to feel powerful because of their submissive or subordinate roles at home.

Different and unique feeling

That is when people say, “I have never felt this way before.” Sometimes someone might make a woman feel different, better, special and give them a feeling they never felt or knew existed. That attention might be hard to ignore and might need some exploring.

Basic things such as a man constantly complimenting a woman on her looks, outfit, perfume, make up and paying attention to her every detail could make her desire him especially if her partner stopped paying attention to her and complimenting her. Outside men sometimes pay more attention to women’s new outfit, hairdo and see everything they do differently. That can be a major turn on!

A void and the missing piece

Sometimes women may feel like something is missing. Women may voice their concerns to their partners and they do not listen or take hid. That can cause women to cheat as they seek someone they can talk to and someone who listens.  

A partner can give a woman everything she needs- from a new car, an expensive vacation, lots of money and stability and the woman can still feel trapped. If one need is not met and that woman has vulnerabilities such as low self-esteem and confidence and a great need for outside validation then she might be prone to cheating.

Ever heard the saying, “when women have men with money, they want time, when the men give them time, they want money.” Women need a balance!

Cheating is the final straw

Sometimes cheating seems like a wakeup call that there really is a problem in a relationship. Cheating can serve as a way to finalize or solidify the end of a relationship. It is almost as though the women cheat just so the men can leave.

I would love if you left a comment and shared your thoughts!

Reems Sonson

Ourtropicalliving.com

Come live and love island life

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This is not a paid or sponsored blog post. This blog post may or may not apply to some or all women.

Valentine’s Day and showing love all year round

I have seen couples pamper each other and go all out for Valentine’s Day and on special occasions. I am talking strawberries and whip cream, melted chocolate, flavored edible underwear, candlelight dinner, rose petals on the floor and bed, balloon decorations, champagne on ice and even meals in bed.  But what happens after Valentine’s Day and all the special occasions. 

Remember that your love life is yours, you are in control of it and you are the dictator so let it be your love story, your movie, your music video and your romantic book.

Inexpensive ways to show love throughout the year

Stay in love throughout the year no matter what trials you may face. Remember why you fell in love in the first place and the connection that brought you two together.


Write a note of appreciation and love on paper and leave it in your partner’s lunch bag, their pocket, the car seat, on the mirror or fridge, in the washroom, in their shoe or anywhere they most likely will see it.


Send your partner a sexy voice note, sexy picture, a video of you twerking or a sexy strip tease. Use your imagination, be creative and make it fun. Ensure that your face is not in any indecent picture or video before it reaches the wrong hand and become viral on social media!

Send flowers, lunch or a greeting card at work with a note saying “just because it’s Monday” or “just because I love you and I am thinking about you.” Pay your partner a surprise visit at work or take them out to lunch. Celebrate them whilst they are alive, show them off and appreciate them and your relationship. Better yet find them on their lunch hour and do a quickie!

Dine out ever so often, go to the movies, have a picnic on the beach, go on a fun adventure or a hike together and create fun memories together.

Normalize kisses, hugs and touches, winks throughout the day and light taps on each other’s behind as you pass each other. Wear sexy lingerie or undergarments when at home to spice things up. Tease each other and be flirtatious with each other.

When at home, put the phones away, limit distractions and cook, clean, lay on the bed or couch with each other, talk, hang out, play games and reconnect. Look at old pictures with each other to relive the fun moments. Although you may have little time or money, plan things you wish to accomplish together like taking a trip to another country.

Take a date night indoors, cook together, set up a romantic dinner area, dress up and pretend like you are in a restaurant!

Take turns to plan dates so one person will not feel like they are putting in all the effort. Have TEAM work and not TIM work. Try things that your partner loves to do even if you dislike it. The relationship is between two people and not only you so consider the needs of each other all the time.

The human in us

It is easy to get caught up with life’s daily hassles but always make time for each other. Treat the relationship like it is fresh and exciting and be eager to see each other. Break the routine ever so often, be spontaneous and try something new. Your relationship is not a chore.

Keep the romance and care for your relationship so that it will not die. Make each other top priority and put each other first. 

Maintain good communication, have a discussion, settle an argument, apologize, be honest about how you feel and continuously try to work on your relationship.  

Regrets?!


Some day you will die and so will your partner. When you are on your dying bed, what will you regret not doing or would have loved to do with your partner if you were given more time on earth?

Reems Sonson

Ourtropicalliving.com

Come live and love island life

This is not a paid or sponsored blog post.

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