Category: A good man

Men abused by women…women as aggressors

Have you ever been abused or attacked by a woman?

Women are constantly depicted as the gender most affected by violence. What about men? Are men being abused by women?

What is abuse?

Abuse is any action done to intentionally harm or injure another person. Abuse comes in many forms and can be physical, emotional, economic, verbal, sexual and psychological.

Men are victims too

Men too are victims of abuse.

Many may not know that men are victims of abuse because men do not like to verbalize their emotions nor how exactly people affect or treat them.

Men commonly go through domestic violence which is also known as domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse is not only physical violence. Having a controlling or manipulative partner affects men both psychologically, economically and emotionally.

Men suffer significant psychological and emotional abuse behind closed doors.

Men go through verbal abuse daily which makes them feel less of a person and reduces their self-worth and dignity.

Ever experienced these?

Abused men are afraid of their partners, walk on eggshells and are eager to please their partners. These men go along with everything their partner says and does and constantly defend their partners.

Some men check in with their partners frequently to report where they are when they go out, who they are with and what they are doing.

Their partner becomes aggressive if they do not call or message frequently or send pictures of their location.  

Women as aggressors

Some women yell and scream at their partners or always throw a tantrum. These women exaggerate events, make threats and insult and demean men.

They socially isolate men, lie, cheat and withhold information from the men.

A common characteristic is to treat men like a child or a servant. Some women thrive on controlling all of men’s finances.

Some women act like men are not sensitive and say whatever they want to the men especially if the men do not cry, complain or show emotions.

Other women threaten to kill themselves or take the children and leave to make men feel bad.  

Sometimes women play mind games, blame men, make them feel guilty and withhold affection and sex.

Not so innocent women

Women can punish men in non-physical ways and stalk them.

Some women intentionally abuse men because they know the men would not report the abuse and may feel embarrassed to discuss it.

Some women hide men’s personal belongings, hit, kick, bite, spit and throw things at them or destroy their possessions.

They use hurtful words to control men. These women strike men with objects or attack them when they sleep at nights especially if they believe that the men would not fight back.

Some women constantly monitor their partner’s social media, calls and texts and get angry and jealous when their partner speaks to women.

Women tend to make false allegations and tarnish men’s reputation. The common saying is, “I have him wrapped around my fingers.”

Gender stereotype

Gender stereotypes exist, people think men are more aggressive and physically dominant so cannot be abused.

Abused men do not see themselves as victims. There is stigma attached to men who report abuse.

The abuse on men can go unnoticed, can be severe and create long lasting psychological problems.

The abuse may make men become abusers in their next relationship, get numb and have no desire to commit.

Abuse sustained for a prolonged period may also cause trauma and health problems for men.

Men may feel alone, isolated and like they have no one to turn to. They may feel like no one will believe them so they rather remain silent about the abuse.

Some men want to leave the relationship but rather stay to work things out and do anything their partner wants because they love their partner.

Do you know a man in an abusive relationship? How will you help them get out?

Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

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Dating men who are not ready…sometimes love is not enough

Ever got to a point where you wanted more from your partner and relationship?

If you’re the one, then he makes all the necessary adjustments to keep you!

The harsh reality some women face is being with men who are not ready for what they want and have to offer. That can range from being in a relationship, moving in together, building together, getting married and having children.

Basic things like coming together to discuss finances, making plans, deciding who will pay what bill or alternate the bill when buying the groceries.

Ever tried discussing the next step in the relationship with your guy and he ignored you, changed the topic or changed his mood?

Where does it start?

Some men pursue women until they get them and say all the things women want to hear. It is almost like being fooled into consenting to the relationship. You go in thinking, finally, someone I can relate to!

Overtime, as you develop deep feelings, you see that person as being the one you settle down with. They agree that they want to settle down but after a while change their mind. What are you supposed to do?

Imagine getting extremely excited that you both want the same thing and are on the same page. Then boom, somewhere in between, he changed his mind. Now you both want different things!

If you had no intentions of settling down and know that you are not ready, then, what is the point of luring someone into being in a relationship with you?

Wait on him? Walk away?

Is it worth remaining in a relationship just for a man to wake up one day, finally be ready and decide to commit to you?

Some women invest their all into men who are not ready and decide to wait on them. Sometimes it works out well! Congratulations!

Others wait and the men never get ready or the men leave to be with someone else only to do all the things they said they were not ready to do.

For how long will you wait and at what price and whose expense?

Fact is, when a man finally decides to be ready and settle down, you might not be the one he chooses. He might no longer be in love with you nor desire you. Some men might choose you by default because you have been there or because they have no one better to choose.

Why he might not be ready?

Some men are still trying to figure themselves out, are not where they want to be financially and do not want the responsibility attached to commitment.

Some are uncertain whether you are the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with and might hold on to you until they get the next best thing.

Others might be waiting on illness, sudden injury, when they become decapitated or have little to no opportunity to chase someone else. Past experiences and using other people’s experiences and making it be their own or going based on statistics can also be contributing factors.

His mother

A mother’s advice or advice from a loved one can be a big reason a man might not be ready nor want to commit.

Some mothers do not want their sons to settle down because they prefer that they stay at home with them. They rather for their son to remain single or find someone else instead of encouraging them to commit to you.

Investing the time

Life is so short to invest your time into something that is going nowhere and is remaining stagnant because of one person. The longer you wait on someone to figure themselves out, the longer you will miss out on being happy with someone else.

Also, the longer you will miss out on being with someone else who has no problem building with you, wants to settle with you, knows what they are about and is ready.

Whilst it is true that you do not know what character you will encounter or the treatment you will receive on your quest to find someone who is ready. You should be hopeful and optimistic that everything will work in your favor.

Genuine desire

Two people should genuinely want to settle down with each other. It should not be anything forced.

Some women give men ultimatums instead of waiting or walking away. Some men gladly accept the ultimatum, are okay with it and others although they accepted, later resent the women.

Men are fixers

A man tries to fix things, discuss things and see how you both can make the relationship work so you both can move on together. A man that wants to be with you will do whatever it takes without you having to beg.

Have a problem that you constantly mention but he ignores you, brushes you off or offers no solution? Then, he is not ready to face nor fix the problem. Men try to fix things so women can stop talking about it. All men can change but some change for the woman they really want.

Be concise in your asking

Be direct and clear about what you want because it is your life. Ensure that he knows what you want so there can be no miscommunication or misunderstanding in the future.

The right man will want to discuss things, see how you both can make sacrifices and fix things so it can work.

Some men in hopes of trying to keep you will one time agree to what you want then later change their mind. It is a constant mind game. You sense the doubt and have that gut feeling that things will not be okay but you stay because he is a good guy.

Listen attentively

Women get stuck because they do not listen when men say what they want and fully express themselves. Women see all the red flags yet neglect them, think the man is joking and hope that they will change.

It is perfectly fine to want what you want and it is perfectly fine for him to want what he wants. Be respectful of his decision.

Remember

Your partner must want the relationship to account for something just as much as you do.  

Some men are slower than others and that is okay but ensure that you know their plan for the relationship so you will have no surprises later.

The right relationship will happen naturally. No questions, no forcing and no convincing.

Resentment and discontentment can cause more harm for the relationship when two people are not on the same page. You will only hurt each other.

No matter how much time you have invested in a relationship, you should not be unhappy or be afraid to start over.

The power is yours to do what you want because you have a choice.

Respect his decision if he wants no growth and is no longer willing to create something with you. Either you decide to wait on him, leave to go find someone else or be single. Irrespective of this, focus on yourself, your personal growth and development and work on being an improved you.

Also, remember to fully analyze the situation and be objective before letting a good guy go because of your impatience.

Some men are immature, some are not ready and are unable to give you what you want because of their circumstances and others are intentionally not giving it to you.

Decide who is worth your time and your wait.

Reems Sonson

Ourtropicalliving.com

Come live and love island life

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A good man

What constitutes “a good man?” What is your idea of “a good man?”

Some women find love and a good man effortlessly on first attempt at a relationship and others search tirelessly and endlessly.

Yes, it is okay to have specific qualities and traits to identify when looking for a good man. Know what you want and ensure you are able to identify it when you find it.

No, a good man is not hard to find. Follow your heart and it will lead you to love and a good man.

Missed opportunities

Some women busy themselves with searching for men who can provide, give them money, gift them material things, make for good baby daddies and give them cute babies.

They do not see men for who they are but what they can provide. These women forget about their own peace of mind, happiness, stability, security, guidance, love and having a loving home.

Other women search for so called “red flags” and ignore all the “right flags” so miss out on seeing the good in a good man.

Remember to be mindful on your search so you do not miss out on being with a good man.

Attraction and appearances

Many women have lost the opportunity of being with a good man because they were not attracted to the man and sensed no chemistry. These women did not take the opportunity to know the man better so instead explored other options.

Some women fall in love with men because of their physical appearance and not because of their personality. These women go based on looks and not actions so reject the idea of being with a man who is not as physically attractive in their eyes.

Men kept in the friends zone! A man may display the qualities that a woman wants in a man but she may not like him on that level so sees him as a friend. When the man finally gets into a relationship and settles down, the woman might grow love towards the man and regret not dating him.

Lessons from my heart

Your heart decides who it falls in love with. Falling in love with a man’s personality forms a deeper level of connection.

A good man

Of course, a good man is polite, faithful, kind and acts like a gentleman.

A good man is able to have direct one on one communication. No dodging of questions, not answering or leaving you questioning his intention and honesty. He tells the truth and not what you want to hear.

He is self-confident and not deterred into pressure from doing what he does not believe in. A good man has a positive attitude and sees the good in things.

He keeps his word and does what he says he will. He is dependable and reliable. You know you can count on him and he will always be there for you because he has your back.

A team!

It is a team effort and there is togetherness and equality. There is no level of dominance unless it is agreed upon by both parties.

A good man is someone who spends time with you, makes time for you and makes you feel like he is never too busy for you. He rather hang out with you on most days than chill with his friends.

He has your best interest and considers you in whatever he does. He is helpful and understands when you are too tired to have sex, cook or do chores.

A good man knows when something is wrong with you without you telling him because he pays attention to you and your every details.

Qualities to search for in a good man

A good man supports and encourages you no matter how absurd your ideas might sound. He will cheer you on and be your biggest fan.

He inspires you to be better by his way of life and thinking. His positive nature rubs off on you.

He is emotionally present and responsive when you speak, does not look at his phone or watch nor cuts you off and shuts you up. He is attentive and interested in what you have to say.

A good man listens when you speak so much so that he surprises you later on based on what you mentioned, said you would get or what you wanted. Yes, he listens and remembers too!

A good man is forgiving, has a good sense of humour and able to joke around.

He does not reproach, becomes insulting and abusive neither does he crosses the line. He keeps it drama free. He is respectful and able to dissipate misunderstandings amicably.

A good man takes ownership for his actions, makes no excuses and does not cast blame on others. He accepts when he is wrong, apologizes and tries to fix things.

The little things

A good man does the little things like help wash the dishes or hang the clothes. He is caring enough to get something you forgot from the grocery store, purchase something you love and surprises you with it or once in a while prepares you lunch.

A good man sticks by your side in all walks of life. He is committed to you when you are happy, sad, emotional, hurt, experiencing pain and trauma and when you are at your lowest point. He is there both on the sunny and stormy days.

He brings out the best in you. He shows affection, love and appreciation. A good man makes you feel and know that you are loved. You do not question whether he loves you because it shows.

He accepts you for who you are and loves every part of you. You are enough for him, he does not judge and neither is he constantly trying to upgrade you. He does not want to change you to suit what he wants.

A good man is non-envious and not selfish. He is okay with you having male friends and co-workers.

He is easy to talk to and is assertive. He openly tells you what he wants and what actions make him feel loved and cared about.

A good man does not need to prove himself as a good man because he is.

Dedicated to Sam. Thank you for being a good man.

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Reems Sonson

Our Tropical Living

Come live and love island life

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This is not a paid or sponsored blog post. All relationships are different and we all have varying characteristics and traits. What is considered good and acceptable to one might vary to the other. What I define as a good man might not be what you define as a good man. Do what works for you!